Lingering Troubles
by Zoey Skywalker 11
Summary: What happened to Obi-Wan after he was found innocent by the Senate committee in the first part of JA Special Edition #1? One-shot.


Title- Lingering Troubles

Author-Zoey Skywalker 11

Summary-What happened to Obi-Wan after he was found innocent by the Senate committee in the first part of JA Special Edition #1?

Rating-PG

Time Frame-Pre-TPM. Obi-Wan is 14. Takes place directly after the events in Jedi Apprentice Special Edition #1-Part 1

Series-None

Spoilers-Yes-For the first part of Jedi Apprentice Special Edition #1-Deceptions

Reviews-Would be much appreciated.

Disclaimer-The world of Star Wars belongs to the God known as George Lucas. I only live in the world, I don't own it.

/Bond speech/

"Lingering Troubles"

Obi-Wan Kenobi sunk to the ground, the word "killer" running through his head. He had no idea how long he sat there, but he had a feeling it had been awhile. The Padawan could not seem to focus on anything, except for the fact that he was solely responsible for the death of Bruck Chun. He knew that he had just been found innocent by a panel of Senators, but his encounter with Bruck's younger brother Kad just made him realize that he could not forgive himself, even if the government could.

Sometime later, Obi-Wan felt himself being lifted off of the ground. Looking up for the first time since sinking to the ground, the Padawan saw the compassionate eyes of his Master.

"Come, Padawan. It is time to go home," said Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. Wrapping an arm around his Padawan's slim shoulders, the Master guided his young ward out of the hearing room. The ride home was a blur to the teenaged apprentice. He knew that his Master was there, as was his best friend Bant Eerin, but his thoughts were still focused on the events that led to the death of his peer.

As time passed, Obi-Wan realized that his surroundings had changed from that of an air taxi to the cool walls of the Temple. There was a sense of peace that started to seep into Obi-Wan. The Temple was known to calm the hearts of many, but while Obi-Wan felt the peace, it did little to help stop the memories from swirling in his head.

As the walked through the cool Temple halls, Obi-Wan started to feel calmer. Soon he drew himself out of his thoughts long enough to take notice in his surroundings. He noticed that Bant was no longer with them, as she probably headed back to her quarters. Looking up he saw his Master's concerned face and he knew that his feeling better was largely thanks to his Master who was sending him calming energy through their training bond. However, as much as Obi-Wan wanted to take all of the comfort that was being offered he knew that it was not deserved. There should not be any comfort or understanding offered to a killer.

Stopping at the end of a familiar hallway, Qui-Gon palmed opened their apartment door, his arm still locked around his Padawan. Obi-Wan had to admit that there was a sense of security that came from being next to his Master. But it was also undeserved. Obi-Wan could not understand why his Master was doing this. What was his Master being so nice? Did he not understand that Obi-Wan had killed someone?

Walking into the apartment, Obi-Wan was led to the couch. His Master sat him down and moved to the kitchen, probably to make some tea. In the past, tea generally worked to soothe him, but he had a feeling that it would not work so easily this time.

But Qui-Gon seemed determined to try. Coming back into the living room, the master handed the teenager his favorite mug filled with sweet, hot tea. Obi-Wan took the mug, more for his Master than anything. Qui-Gon sat down next to his charge, silent, but ready to offer any support that the teenager needed. But Obi-Wan, once again, did not move towards that comfort, knowing that he did not deserve it. If anything the only thing that he had deserved today was getting hit by the metal and wood staff that Kad had taken up against him.

The Padawan knew that his Master was only being nice because it was his job. Strangely, that did not matter to the Padawan. After all, if he could not stand himself, how could he expect his Master to?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Qui-Gon watched his Padawan stare into the depths of his teacup. The Master was very concerned about his apprentice. The boy had always carried a certain sense of guilt over the death of Bruck, but this had just been taken to new and possibly dangerous heights. The Master knew that this had come about when Obi-Wan was alone. The older Jedi suspected that something had happened to the teen, but the younger was remaining silent, almost to a frightening degree. Qui-Gon was at a loss of how to help the younger man. Only Obi-Wan knew what he needed at this point. The Master knew that he could try all he wanted to break his Padawan out of his shell, but nothing would happen until Obi-Wan allowed it to happen. Qui-Gon was very afraid at that fact, however. The Padawan was feeling so guilty about this. Would he be able to break out of that to be able to ask his master for help or would he feel too unworthy?

Qui-Gon was awoken that night be a spark of distress in the Force. The Master knew what it was: Obi-Wan was having a nightmare. Pulling on his robe, Qui-Gon quickly moved through the common area to the teen's bedroom. When the older Jedi opened the door he was not surprised by the sight, but it broke his heart. The child that he loved like a son was tossing and turning, sweat pouring off of his face, clearly in the throes of a horrible nightmare. Moving quickly, Qui-Gon went to the bed to break the Padawan out of his nightmare.

"Obi-Wan. Padawan! Wake up," the Master called as he shook his Padawan's shoulder. It took a couple of shakes, but Obi-Wan did wake, breathing hard, guilt and pain clear in his blue-green eyes.

"Are you alright, Padawan," Qui-Gon asked with the Padawan's breathing was more under control. The young teen just nodded, but the Master was compelled to start to push the issue. This was going too far.

"No, Obi-Wan. You are not alright. Even if you cannot see it. Come in to the common room and I will make us some tea." Walking out of the room, Qui-Gon left his Padawan to compose himself before the two talked.

As the Master moved through the kitchen preparing the tea, he reflected that he could not let his Padawan withdraw any farther into himself. The nightmares had been going on ever since the death of Bruck, but it was never anything as intense as this. It was clear to the Master that the guilt that Obi-Wan was feeling was tearing him apart. Much more so that Qui-Gon originally thought.

A few minutes later Obi-Wan emerged from his room, looking very depondant. Motioning for the teen to sit on the couch, Qui-Gon brought the freshly brewed tea to his charge. He was so focused on trying to figure out how to approach this delicate situation that he almost did not hear his Padawan's quiet, sad voice.

"Qui-Gon? Why are you trying to help me?"

The Master was thrown by the question. How could he not help the child that his heart called son?

"What do you mean, Padawan?"

"Don't call me that!" I don't deserve to be your Padawan's. Or anyone's," the teen said in a tone that broke his Master's heart. Qui-Gon know understood one of the major obstacles that the child was facing. Obi-Wan had buried himself in grief, which had in turn accentuated the self-esteem that the boy had. The Master needed to help Obi-Wan get past this or else… Pushing the thought out of his mind, the Jedi focused on the young Jedi at his side.

"Don't even think that, Padawan. You are more than worthy of the title you hold. And no one is better suited to stand by my side." Obi-Wan looked dumbfounded at that, which made the master very distressed. Maybe a new tactic was needed. Wrapping an arm around the Padawan, he pulled Obi-Wan down, forcing him to lean up against his Master's chest. Obi-Wan did not resist, even though he was still as stiff as a board from the tension that he carried. Qui-Gon knew that he needed to be gentle at this point, but he still continued to press on.

"Now, Padawan. Why do you think that you are unworthy to be a Padawan? My Padawan?"

Obi-Wan just stayed still for a moment, probably getting his thoughts together. Qui-Gon did not push him. The Master was most assuredly not going to let him leave in the state he was in, but the two had time.

After a few minutes, Qui-Gon heard the quiet confession that he was waiting for. "I killed him, Master. And killers cannot be Jedi."

"You did not kill Bruck, Padawan."

"But I did."

"How do you figure?"

The Padawan looked very confused. "What do you mean?"

"Padawan, nobody blames you for Bruck's death. Only you do. I know that no one else was there when he died, but by you own account, he fell. That does not mean that you killed him, little one. It just means that you could not save him. And nobody, not even a Jedi, can save everyone."

Obi-Wan just looked up at his Master. Qui-Gon knew that this was a critical moment. The Padawan needed to believe his Master, for the path he was currently on would only lead to a self-destructive end. Qui-Gon was never going to give up on his boy, but Obi-Wan needed to make that first step. His prayers to the Force were answered by Obi-Wan's next statement.

"I guess that I see your point. But I still feel guilty."

"That is normal, Padawan. I would be worried about you if you did not feel bad. But you do need to move beyond this guilt. There is no way that you will be able to go on with your life until you do. I get the feeling that right now your head believes me, but your heart doesn't. Right?"

Qui-Gon felt a small nod against his chest. Looking down the Master only saw the teen's ginger hair, but he felt a wetness seeping into his sleep tunic. Qui-Gon did not try to stop him, knowing that the release was healthy. The Master just held him, rubbing his back as the minutes and the tears flowed. Soon he felt the boy tighten his grip on him, like Qui-Gon was the only source of salvation for him. The Padawan did not loosen his grip as his tears slowed and finally stopped. It seemed like the Padawan needed help staying grounded and Qui-Gon was certainly not going to take that away. But Qui-Gon did need to make sure that his Padawan was alright mentally.

"Feel better, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, Master."

"Do you want to meditate before you go back to sleep?

As expected, Obi-Wan nodded at the question. Qui-Gon sensed that the teen was still emotional turmoil, so it was only logical that he would want to get rid the lingering feelings before he tried to go back to sleep. Not meditating would increase the likeliness of nightmares and the Padawan knew it.

Pulling his apprentice off of the couch, Qui-Gon led him to the meditation mats on the other side of the living quarters. Obi-Wan followed his Master without hesitation and sat on his smaller mat without a word, Qui-Gon silent next to him. Both getting into their preferred positions, the Master moved directly in front of his Padawan. Holding his hnads out, the Master encouraged his student to take his hands and join in a communal meditation. The apprentice showed no signs of hesitation in placing his hands in Qui-Gon's, and the Master was very happy to see the willingness in his student. Obi-Wan had taken a harsh emotional blow when Bruck died and it had not gotten any better in the past few days. It was refreshing to see that the teen was not so damaged that he could not trust his Master.

Opening their training bond, Qu-Gon led his Padawan down into the currents of the Force. The goal of this meditation, from Qui-Gon's point of view, was to start to purge Obi-Wan of this guilt. The Jedi knew that it would not be possible to get rid of all of those negative emotions in one meditation session, but he hoped that they would be able to do enough so that his Padawan could get some uninterrupted sleep before they talked and mediated further.

This goal in mind, Qui-Gon led his Padawan fairly deep in the Force, a good deal deeper than what Obi-Wan could manage on his own. The Master hoped that being more deeply immersed in the Force than what was normal would help Obi-Wan find release.

/Master?/ Obi-Wan's voice quietly cut through their bond.

/Yes, my Padawan?/

/Master…I am not used to being down this deep,/ Obi-Wan's voice hesitant.

/Don't worry, Obi-Wan. I've got you./ Eager to put his student at ease, he sent a wave of comfort through the bond. Feeling the Padawan relax, Oui-Gon stopped pressing into the Force and focused on the teen he had with him.

/Now, Padawan. I know that you are more deeply immersed in the Force than you are used to, but I did that so that you would have an easier time releasing your guilt. Don't fear; I am not going to let anything happen to you. Now I want you to take a deep breath. Nothing else. Just breathe. Relax./

Feeling the Padawan relax, Qui-Gon pressed on. /Good Padawan. Now I want you to focus on a part of your guilt. Not the whole thing, just a small section. Good,/ the Master sent once he felt his Padawan complete the task.

/Now feel the guilt. Take deep breaths as it courses through your veins./ At this instruction, the Master felt his charge tense up considerably. /Just relax. Breathe that guilt out now. You do not need it any longer. Breathe it out./

Qui-Gon waited as the Padawan tried to accomplish what was asked of him. The Master had to wait a few moments, but Obi-Wan was able to purge himself of that part of the guilt that he felt. The elder directed a great wave of pride at the teen so that he was assured that he had done everything correctly.

/Thank you, Master,/ Qui-Gon heard through the bond.

/There is no need to thank me, young one. You did everything on your own./

/I guess so. But it would not have been possible if I was not submersed this deeply in the Force./

/Have faith, Padawan. You could have done it at your normal level. This just made it easier. How are you feeling at this depth now?/

/Better. I think that it was just a shock at first. But it is much more helpful than I thought than it would be./

/Good. That was what I had hoped. Do you want to go on?/

/Yes, Master./

Feeling the sincerity, Qui-Gon slightly drew back, leaving his Padawan to repeat the same process on his own, with his Master there only if needed.

After some time Qui-Gon started to feel Obi-Wan's fatigue starting to catch up to him. Not wanting the Padawan to overexert himself, Qui-Gon called an end to the session. /I think that it a good place to stop, Padawan./

/But I want to keep going,/ came the slightly whining reply.

/Not now, Obi-Wan. I do not want you to get overly tired. You can continue after you get some rest. Now are you ready to pull out?/

/I guess so, Master./ With his Padawan's permission, the Master started to pull himself and his Padawan out of the meditation.

When Qui-Gon was done, he lifted his head to see his Padawan's tired gaze on him. Stretching muscles that had not moved in over an hour, the Master stood up, reaching a hand down to help his Padawan. Obi-Wan accepted the help, but not without a small groan when he stood up. Qui-Gon wrapped an arm around the teen's shoulders and led him to his room. Obi-Wan followed without complaint, probably too exhausted to bother hiding his fatigue. The Master knew that his charge was tired, but he did not know that it was this bad. The teen must have been shielding again.

Leaving Obi-Wan to sit on his bed, Qui-Gon drew the curtains in the room, as the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. That done, the Master walked back over to the apprentice, who was starting to lie down in order to get some rest. Once the Padawan had found his comfortable position, Qui-Gon pulled the blankets up to his shoulders and sat down on the bed next to the teen. The Master had a feeling that Obi-Wan was still emotionally shaky and would not want to be alone when he fell asleep.

"Thank you for tonight, Master. I am starting to feel better about…everything."

"I am very glad to hear that, Padawan. You did extremely well in meditation and I am very proud of you."

"Thank you, Master. But I could not have done any of this without you."

"Padawan. That is what I am here for. I want to help you through things like this. But you have to let me"

"I know. But it is just so hard to deal with this stuff"

"Yes. It can be hard and even a little frightening, but just remember how much better you will feel after you deal with it."

"I will try, Master."

Qui-Gon smiled, stifling the urge to tell his Padawan that there was no trying, only doing. "That is all that I ask Obi-Wan. Now enough talk, go to sleep."

"Yes, Master," came the quiet, sleepy reply.

Qui-Gon watched as his Padawan's eyes slid shut and his breathing evened out. When the Master was sure that his ward was asleep, he sent his a sleep suggestion that would ensure a peaceful rest for at least the next few hours.

"I will always be here for you, Padawan," Qui-Gon quietly whispered to the sleeping youth. Placing a kiss on the teen's forehead, the Master left the darkened room, leaving Obi-Wan to his rest.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Obi-Wan woke up the next day he felt surprisingly well rested. He also found that he felt better, much to his joy. And he knew that he had his Master to thank for it. Reaching out along the training bond, the Padawan found his Master starting to make a meal in the kitchen. Actually feeling hungry, Obi-Wan got out of bed and started to get dressed.

As he was getting dressed, the teen caught a glance of himself in the full-length mirror by his closet. Stopping what he was doing, Obi-Wan started to think about the feelings that he had towards himself. To his shock, he no longer thought of himself as a killer. He still felt bad, but he knew that he could no longer take full-responsibility for Bruck's death. Finally, he started to see what others saw.

Satisfied and ready to face the future, the Padawan got dressed and went to meet the man who made it all possible.

The End


End file.
